entry 3

Long one this time.

Well it finally happened, I knew one day, after getting a PC it would screw me over one way or another, and lucky for me it was in china, and even more lucky for me it happened right as I hit “save” on the tool bar, but before I had actually managed to lay the final key stroke in the title. “September 11, 20.....system not responding” off went my computer, with the hope it was just over heated. But this was not the case. When I turned on the computer again it was moving slower than a slug across the great salt lake. 2 or 3 minutes after hitting the “start” button I managed to get Symantec anti virus running, in 4 minutes it had scanned 83 files. I had no idea what to do. Having no real knowledge of windows, and the computer being my only reasonable form of communication with the out side world I couldn't even ask for help.

“hey Ctrl. Alt. Delete” I thought, “aren't nerds alway talking about that?” so I hit the keys and was given a window to look at, it was a pretty window but not much help, I force quit the 70 or so “volume” applications that had popped up on my desk top and started poking around. I found a nice little graph that looked like a heart monitor, though all it seemed to tell me was my computer had flat lined. I found another tab that told be how much memory each running program used. So I started force quiting all the big programs, each time I did so some terrible message would pop up and say something along the lines of, “if you cancel this program your computer may have technical difficulties, the world as you know it may end, Satan could rule the universe and you might kill a small kitten” and each time I would hit “ok” and the world would continue spinning and my computer would remain unchanged. So I again I set about flipping the tabs in the window. I saw that that my cpu was running at 100 percent. “well good” I thought “at least I know thats working fine” having no idea what a cpu was. But running out of options in the “windows task manager” I found my self looking back over the running programs, and found that none of the programs were using any “cpu” save one. Which was using 99 percent of it. Now from a taoist perspective this seems very unbalanced, so I did the other nerdy thing I know about and used the right click. It did nothing and I decided it was time to take a gamble with my computer, and I hit “end process one more time, risking the possible regain of torment and morbid felines. And praise Bill Gates, the virus scanner jumped into high gear, finishing 1000 files in 30 seconds. I laid on my bed and let it run. I got up a while later and saw that it had been restored to it's original crawl, and I saw the program “spoolsv.exe” had turned it's self on and again was sucking the life from my computer, I killed it again, this time leaving to go practice some tai chi. When I came back the virus scan was over and it had found nothing. When I rebooted the computer that same program kept starting it's self up. I looked it up on line and found that it had something to do with printing, but was often used as gate ways for viruses and worms. Have no need to print anything from my computer while I'm here I deleted the files from my computer and now it works fine. Hurray for me, one step closer to geek hood, as playing “Magic: The Gathering” with my friends only qualifies me as a level 3 tech-less nerd. And with out further delay I bring you the new and improved, rewritten from scratch, third installment of my china adventure journal.

(you may now take a 10 minute break for snacks and pop)

Well it finally happened, I knew one day, after eating from street vendors, dirty restaurants, night market fruit and something out of the bike baskets of some guy who was probably named the Chinese equivalent of Ray, the thing that finally got me hold up in my dorm room for a day and a half was a single snickers bar....some Oreo's and a few bags of these marshmallows filled with yogurt....and a few bottles of soda.... for breakfast. But thats all. Now a thing about china is, apparently the western toilet is a relatively new invention, because you find it relatively few places. Instead the most common thing found is a trough, in the ground, over which you you take on a much more “natural” pose. And I discovered this right at the dawning of my chocolate induced illness, at the doctors when i went to pick up my medical forms that I needed to get my Chinese residence permit.
Walking into the bathroom I quickly assessed the situation and made the decision to take a mile walk back to my dorm rather than experience such a new device for the first time with my prediciment. So I got my forms quickly and walked home, and it had as happy an ending as could be expected. And thats all I have to say about that.

So as I said, I got my forms, and the other thing I've managed to finally get is the money needed for my tuition. 9410 kuai. About 900 American (don't check my math). I gave a check to the Bank of China a week ago, and afterwards talked with my master who told me that it would take up to 30 days to get my money, and as I need to get my money immediately I came up with a new plan. I would become a serial bank robber. Or at least thats what it began to feel like it. My plan consisted of walking with my friends who were going shopping and withdrawing my limit from each atm at each Chinese bank that I could find. The limit usually being 2000 kuai, 1500 at the cheap places. Soon I found my baggy pants stuffed with hundred kuai bills, and I felt very rich. I now have it in a pile on my desk, and it looks very cool. At the beginning of my trip I noticed how when money doesn't mean anything to you, like when you see money from another country, it dawns on you that all your holding are pieces of colored paper, and you get a sense of how absurd it is that pieces of paper run so many things. But that feeling is gone now, as these pieces of paper now hold that great emotion of power. And seeing a huge stack of power is exciting.

Though I have yet to turn in my money I have started classes, Monday was my first day and so far there pretty much what I expected. If living with Chinese people has shown me how little Chinese I know, being in the beginners class is showing me how much I actually do know. A lot of it is below my level right now, but I am in the accelerated beginners, so I expect it to get hard soon. I'm already making flashcards, even though I know all the characters there teaching this week, I am making cards for other words in the book they haven't gone over yet, I really want to learn as much Chinese as I can quickly so I can talk with my new Chinese friends.

Bob, I don't remember his Chinese name, is a regular student here at Shandong, he is pretty good at English, and met me my first morning here, I was walking around the campus watching some older gentlemen doing tai chi, when he came up to me and asked if I was an American. He has since shown up to my dorm un-announced a few times, and left a few messages on my phone. He's nice enough and the other day he stopped by to watch Mr. Bean which I bought at a video store a few days ago, it had Chinese sub titles, but there is so little talking any way that I think he would have been laughing regardless. He really wants to practice English with me, though he does try speaking Chinese to to from time to time. At which point I look with a blank stare and an apologetic smile and he translates it into English for me. Today I taught him the word “hard core” and played him six shooter by Queens of the Stone Age.

I also made some other friends that don't speak English at all. Me and my American/Australian friends had gone out shopping, like we did every day since I got here. But we were all tiered so we came home early and went to our respective dorms. But even though I was tiered I had that feeling you sometimes get. Where you suddenly feel like you need to run as fast as you can as far as you can for no reason at all. So I ended up walking to the store. I got some water and cookies, a misnomer as far as cookies go a Chinese cookie is far closer to a cracker than anything sugar related, and started walking back to my dorm. Still with the feeling that my night shouldn't be done yet I took a very out of the way path back, and found myself watching an old couple practicing taichi in the dark, in an open cement tiled area next to a 20 foot statue of Confucius. I watched till they finished then walked up to them and did my best to explain “hi” in mime, then I managed to get across that I thought they were good. I eventually got that they wanted me to practice with them, and we listed the names of the forms we both knew. We did 24, then 42, then 48. It was great to get back to tai chi, I hadn't really practiced much since the summer started, when I started work at Camp Namanu. When I was done my legs were rubber and my breathing was soft, and I had that pain I get in my neck when I don't practice enough and all the extra blood rushing through my veins hurts. At departure they asked if I had a jian, having bought a strait sword the day prior I said yes and they told me to come back the next night at the same time, and I've been back every night since, practicing with them. It turns out only the women really does tai chi and has been practicing for less time than I have, though I think she practices more often. A few times their son has come and watched us, he speaks a little English so there was a little more opportunity for communication. They are very nice people, and I have fun every time I go.

So as I said we went shopping every day up until classes started. I hate shopping normally but it's so much fun when haggling is involved, it makes it a game, and also you are given the chance to look at all the knock offs you can find every where, and read all the t-shirts written in “English”. You know how from time to time a person will get a tattoo with a Chinese character and it will turn out to mean something completely different than he thought it did, or it will be pure gibberish? Well it seems to work the other way around. Apparently having English written on your clothes here is just as popular as Chinese calligraphy on your underwear is back in the US. And boy do some of these shirts have some terrible translations, just walking from one shop to another looking at what is written is hilarious, and it doesn't seem to get old, we've now taken to just saying what ever we see written in English. “one pepper on heavy call”, “mail letters and many years kind” it serves as great entertainment for the passing of time.

But the other thing shopping has done is it's let us see all corner of china, and taken us to some shops filled with some amazing art, and some tremendous pieces of Chinese history. In one area we found an entire square filled with jade shops, and other Chinese arts and antiques dealers. In one store I got a beautiful scroll with a painting of bamboo in red ink and some Chinese calligraphy, I bought it from the artist him self, and he told us all about himself and his teacher, and showed us some of his late masters works. Then we found another store filled with hand made books, each book a Chinese classic of some kind, like “The Art of War” of “The Tao Te Ching” and the most amazing part was that each book was written by hand with a brush in traditional Chinese writing. They were the most amazing books I'd ever seen, but they were way out of my price range. It's made me think about the prospects of being an Asian arts dealer in the US. Having taken on the hobby of attending every Asian antiques dealer in Portland many times and spending hours going over each little item, I know a little about how things are priced, and I didn't see one thing there that I wouldn't have seen priced at least 5 or 6 times as high in the US.

Speaking of jobs and friends though, I met a nice guy in my class from Ireland. He is teaching English to pay his way through here. He gets 2000 kuai a week, and free room and board, and that is far more than is necessary for tuition and food and all those things. He told me that they would be hiring again around January, and that he could put a word in for me if I was interested. I had been planning to teach English in china at some point for a long time, but I sorta thought it would be after I got my degree, but this is a very interesting opportunity. It would be nice to have a regular cash supply, and even more interesting to live off campus in the place they provide. It would get me a whole new experience of China, and I would have had 6 months of Chinese by that point so it would make some things easier. It's an idea that intrigues me, and something I'll consider. He said they would help me through getting a visa and all that, and it wouldn't be a problem, and that there alway looking for Americans. But anyway, I don't have to really worry about that for a few months any way.

Ok, before I go I want to send out a thank you to all those people who have replied to me so far,it's nice hearing from the people I love, when I'm so far away. And the question has arisen weather you you are free to forward these e-mails around, and definitely you can, I love people reading about my adventures, the more the better, so I would encourage you to send this to any and all people you might think would like it. Ok love you guys, until next time, Zai Jian.