The First Great Adventure of my Life.

Long one this time.

Well it finally happened, I knew one day, after getting a PC it would screw me over one way or another, and lucky for me it was in china, and even more lucky for me it happened right as I hit “save” on the tool bar, but before I had actually managed to lay the final key stroke in the title. “September 11, 20.....system not responding” off went my computer, with the hope it was just over heated. But this was not the case. When I turned on the computer again it was moving slower than a slug across the great salt lake. 2 or 3 minutes after hitting the “start” button I managed to get Symantec anti virus running, in 4 minutes it had scanned 83 files. I had no idea what to do. Having no real knowledge of windows, and the computer being my only reasonable form of communication with the out side world I couldn't even ask for help.

“hey Ctrl. Alt. Delete” I thought, “aren't nerds alway talking about that?” so I hit the keys and was given a window to look at, it was a pretty window but not much help, I force quit the 70 or so “volume” applications that had popped up on my desk top and started poking around. I found a nice little graph that looked like a heart monitor, though all it seemed to tell me was my computer had flat lined. I found another tab that told be how much memory each running program used. So I started force quiting all the big programs, each time I did so some terrible message would pop up and say something along the lines of, “if you cancel this program your computer may have technical difficulties, the world as you know it may end, Satan could rule the universe and you might kill a small kitten” and each time I would hit “ok” and the world would continue spinning and my computer would remain unchanged. So I again I set about flipping the tabs in the window. I saw that that my cpu was running at 100 percent. “well good” I thought “at least I know thats working fine” having no idea what a cpu was. But running out of options in the “windows task manager” I found my self looking back over the running programs, and found that none of the programs were using any “cpu” save one. Which was using 99 percent of it. Now from a taoist perspective this seems very unbalanced, so I did the other nerdy thing I know about and used the right click. It did nothing and I decided it was time to take a gamble with my computer, and I hit “end process one more time, risking the possible regain of torment and morbid felines. And praise Bill Gates, the virus scanner jumped into high gear, finishing 1000 files in 30 seconds. I laid on my bed and let it run. I got up a while later and saw that it had been restored to it's original crawl, and I saw the program “spoolsv.exe” had turned it's self on and again was sucking the life from my computer, I killed it again, this time leaving to go practice some tai chi. When I came back the virus scan was over and it had found nothing. When I rebooted the computer that same program kept starting it's self up. I looked it up on line and found that it had something to do with printing, but was often used as gate ways for viruses and worms. Have no need to print anything from my computer while I'm here I deleted the files from my computer and now it works fine. Hurray for me, one step closer to geek hood, as playing “Magic: The Gathering” with my friends only qualifies me as a level 3 tech-less nerd. And with out further delay I bring you the new and improved, rewritten from scratch, third installment of my china adventure journal.

(you may now take a 10 minute break for snacks and pop)

Well it finally happened, I knew one day, after eating from street vendors, dirty restaurants, night market fruit and something out of the bike baskets of some guy who was probably named the Chinese equivalent of Ray, the thing that finally got me hold up in my dorm room for a day and a half was a single snickers bar....some Oreo's and a few bags of these marshmallows filled with yogurt....and a few bottles of soda.... for breakfast. But thats all. Now a thing about china is, apparently the western toilet is a relatively new invention, because you find it relatively few places. Instead the most common thing found is a trough, in the ground, over which you you take on a much more “natural” pose. And I discovered this right at the dawning of my chocolate induced illness, at the doctors when i went to pick up my medical forms that I needed to get my Chinese residence permit.
Walking into the bathroom I quickly assessed the situation and made the decision to take a mile walk back to my dorm rather than experience such a new device for the first time with my prediciment. So I got my forms quickly and walked home, and it had as happy an ending as could be expected. And thats all I have to say about that.

So as I said, I got my forms, and the other thing I've managed to finally get is the money needed for my tuition. 9410 kuai. About 900 American (don't check my math). I gave a check to the Bank of China a week ago, and afterwards talked with my master who told me that it would take up to 30 days to get my money, and as I need to get my money immediately I came up with a new plan. I would become a serial bank robber. Or at least thats what it began to feel like it. My plan consisted of walking with my friends who were going shopping and withdrawing my limit from each atm at each Chinese bank that I could find. The limit usually being 2000 kuai, 1500 at the cheap places. Soon I found my baggy pants stuffed with hundred kuai bills, and I felt very rich. I now have it in a pile on my desk, and it looks very cool. At the beginning of my trip I noticed how when money doesn't mean anything to you, like when you see money from another country, it dawns on you that all your holding are pieces of colored paper, and you get a sense of how absurd it is that pieces of paper run so many things. But that feeling is gone now, as these pieces of paper now hold that great emotion of power. And seeing a huge stack of power is exciting.

Though I have yet to turn in my money I have started classes, Monday was my first day and so far there pretty much what I expected. If living with Chinese people has shown me how little Chinese I know, being in the beginners class is showing me how much I actually do know. A lot of it is below my level right now, but I am in the accelerated beginners, so I expect it to get hard soon. I'm already making flashcards, even though I know all the characters there teaching this week, I am making cards for other words in the book they haven't gone over yet, I really want to learn as much Chinese as I can quickly so I can talk with my new Chinese friends.

Bob, I don't remember his Chinese name, is a regular student here at Shandong, he is pretty good at English, and met me my first morning here, I was walking around the campus watching some older gentlemen doing tai chi, when he came up to me and asked if I was an American. He has since shown up to my dorm un-announced a few times, and left a few messages on my phone. He's nice enough and the other day he stopped by to watch Mr. Bean which I bought at a video store a few days ago, it had Chinese sub titles, but there is so little talking any way that I think he would have been laughing regardless. He really wants to practice English with me, though he does try speaking Chinese to to from time to time. At which point I look with a blank stare and an apologetic smile and he translates it into English for me. Today I taught him the word “hard core” and played him six shooter by Queens of the Stone Age.

I also made some other friends that don't speak English at all. Me and my American/Australian friends had gone out shopping, like we did every day since I got here. But we were all tiered so we came home early and went to our respective dorms. But even though I was tiered I had that feeling you sometimes get. Where you suddenly feel like you need to run as fast as you can as far as you can for no reason at all. So I ended up walking to the store. I got some water and cookies, a misnomer as far as cookies go a Chinese cookie is far closer to a cracker than anything sugar related, and started walking back to my dorm. Still with the feeling that my night shouldn't be done yet I took a very out of the way path back, and found myself watching an old couple practicing taichi in the dark, in an open cement tiled area next to a 20 foot statue of Confucius. I watched till they finished then walked up to them and did my best to explain “hi” in mime, then I managed to get across that I thought they were good. I eventually got that they wanted me to practice with them, and we listed the names of the forms we both knew. We did 24, then 42, then 48. It was great to get back to tai chi, I hadn't really practiced much since the summer started, when I started work at Camp Namanu. When I was done my legs were rubber and my breathing was soft, and I had that pain I get in my neck when I don't practice enough and all the extra blood rushing through my veins hurts. At departure they asked if I had a jian, having bought a strait sword the day prior I said yes and they told me to come back the next night at the same time, and I've been back every night since, practicing with them. It turns out only the women really does tai chi and has been practicing for less time than I have, though I think she practices more often. A few times their son has come and watched us, he speaks a little English so there was a little more opportunity for communication. They are very nice people, and I have fun every time I go.

So as I said we went shopping every day up until classes started. I hate shopping normally but it's so much fun when haggling is involved, it makes it a game, and also you are given the chance to look at all the knock offs you can find every where, and read all the t-shirts written in “English”. You know how from time to time a person will get a tattoo with a Chinese character and it will turn out to mean something completely different than he thought it did, or it will be pure gibberish? Well it seems to work the other way around. Apparently having English written on your clothes here is just as popular as Chinese calligraphy on your underwear is back in the US. And boy do some of these shirts have some terrible translations, just walking from one shop to another looking at what is written is hilarious, and it doesn't seem to get old, we've now taken to just saying what ever we see written in English. “one pepper on heavy call”, “mail letters and many years kind” it serves as great entertainment for the passing of time.

But the other thing shopping has done is it's let us see all corner of china, and taken us to some shops filled with some amazing art, and some tremendous pieces of Chinese history. In one area we found an entire square filled with jade shops, and other Chinese arts and antiques dealers. In one store I got a beautiful scroll with a painting of bamboo in red ink and some Chinese calligraphy, I bought it from the artist him self, and he told us all about himself and his teacher, and showed us some of his late masters works. Then we found another store filled with hand made books, each book a Chinese classic of some kind, like “The Art of War” of “The Tao Te Ching” and the most amazing part was that each book was written by hand with a brush in traditional Chinese writing. They were the most amazing books I'd ever seen, but they were way out of my price range. It's made me think about the prospects of being an Asian arts dealer in the US. Having taken on the hobby of attending every Asian antiques dealer in Portland many times and spending hours going over each little item, I know a little about how things are priced, and I didn't see one thing there that I wouldn't have seen priced at least 5 or 6 times as high in the US.

Speaking of jobs and friends though, I met a nice guy in my class from Ireland. He is teaching English to pay his way through here. He gets 2000 kuai a week, and free room and board, and that is far more than is necessary for tuition and food and all those things. He told me that they would be hiring again around January, and that he could put a word in for me if I was interested. I had been planning to teach English in china at some point for a long time, but I sorta thought it would be after I got my degree, but this is a very interesting opportunity. It would be nice to have a regular cash supply, and even more interesting to live off campus in the place they provide. It would get me a whole new experience of China, and I would have had 6 months of Chinese by that point so it would make some things easier. It's an idea that intrigues me, and something I'll consider. He said they would help me through getting a visa and all that, and it wouldn't be a problem, and that there alway looking for Americans. But anyway, I don't have to really worry about that for a few months any way.

Ok, before I go I want to send out a thank you to all those people who have replied to me so far,it's nice hearing from the people I love, when I'm so far away. And the question has arisen weather you you are free to forward these e-mails around, and definitely you can, I love people reading about my adventures, the more the better, so I would encourage you to send this to any and all people you might think would like it. Ok love you guys, until next time, Zai Jian.

A new flame flickers in my room after a shopping spree today. It is from a nice zippo style lighter with Mao's big smiling face on the front of it, underlined by Chinese writing. I got it in the underground market place a few miles from the university, and it is now the second thing I have had the chance to haggle for since being here. I'm rather sure that my skills of negotiation are diminished by the fact that I do not speak Chinese well at all, but today I think I did alright. Initially the asking price was 78 kuai, about 10 bucks American, I offered 50 and they acted like it was an absurd offer, but offered 70 kuai for it. I made a show of looking unsure about it then told them never mind, I was pretty sure I could get the lighter anywhere. But as it just so happened I did hear them calling me back with a new offer of 60 kuai, and a fill of lighter fluid, I made it clear that I was reluctantly accepting the offer and took the lighter for about 7.50 American which I my self am pretty proud of with the 18 kuai I saved I could literally eat 5 large meals.
When we reached the end of the underground market, a long half mile long tunnel that stretched under many blocks, we took some stairs to the surface and found ourselves right out side a very nice looking Chinese antiques shop. Now I have never been able to walk away from an Asian antique shop so we went in to look around. At the back were what I'd been looking for for days, 3 nice strait swords, I went back to look at them and asked the sales lady to hand me two of them, I drew the blades and was in heaven, they were beautiful spring steel blades, with gold painted dragons on them. The sheath was polished wood and there were two red tassels on the hilt, per traditional taiji sword decoration. I looked at the price and again, was made greatly appreciative of the exchange rate that I benefit so greatly from. The sword was 360 kuai, about 45 dollars American, should I have gotten this sword from a shop in America it would have been well over 100 dollars. It was a very nice shop so I didn't bother trying to haggle, they didn't do that sort of thing in upscale places like this.
In China there are a lot of Asian people, as you would imagine. But what they do not have is a lot of white people. In fact once we get away from campus we almost never see another white person. So when we walk down the street one may think we were celebrities. Usually while we go along we have all sorts of people just strait out staring at us. Often if there is some one that is learning English, or even if there not, they will shout out “hello” to us from where ever they are, we've had people literally stop traffic with there cars to pause and shout their American greetings to us. The other day I was walking alone and was held up by a crowd of young school kids, I had about 20 9 year olds shouting “hello” to me all at once, it was very cute and scary.
Today for lunch we went to pizza hut. I know it seems cheesy to go half way around the world and eat at pizza hut but there you have it. Now when you think pizza hut you think of greasy pizza and paper cups with lids and straws, sticky floors and unsavory characters. What you absolutely do not imagine is menus, waiters, door men and women, soups, salads, escargot, beautiful ceramic plates, nice glasses, art on the walls, jazz playing in the back ground, all sorts of gourmet desserts, and people who, once they deliver the pizza to your table, serve it for you as well. I have never experienced a restaurant like this, and I didn't think the first time I did it would be a pizza hut.
Later on after the sword and the lighter we found an indoor shopping center, the first 4 floors were just clothing, but on the top floor we found something amazing, row after row of shops dedicated to Chinese art, antiques, calligraphy, and all manner of Chinese high culture. While there, we went into a little shop that had one woman in it painting, she was making stunning images of all sorts of animals and flowers. My friend, Ryan, saw a particularly beautiful painting of a scene from “journey west”, an old Chinese legend, with a monkey holding a staff leaping from heaven onto a maiden with two swords. We had a long conversation with the woman about the pictures she did. She made a lot of copies of each painting but she copied each one by hand, with only a brush and her paints. Eventually my friend bought the painting for 500 kuai, we are to return in 10 days when she will have it mounted on a scroll. When she made the sale she said she would give us each one of her paintings for free, and I got a lovely painting of a little bird in the grass. I can't wait to return, and to finally start learning Chinese so I can talk to her.
In other news, I did end up going to the doctors, it was stressful not being able to speak to anyone there, but I made it through eventually after getting test after test preformed on me, I have to go back on Friday to get my blood test results and all that. And as far as negotiating bureaucracy go, I have been trying like mad to get money out of the bank but I have no idea what I'm doing. I already missed the registration days. Registration ended on the 5th, but I still need to pay my 9410 kuai for tuition and registration fee. I really have no idea whats going on right now but this is what I think is going to happen. I gave them a check for 15 hundred American dollars from my own account. At some point they are supposed to call me when they have my money ready, and then I can go down and get it. Now thats only a theory and I don't really know if thats how it's going to work but we'll see. Other than that everyday so far me and my English speaking friends, 3 Americans and 2 Australians, have been walking for miles in random directions just getting our selves acquainted with the city. It's quite an amazing place. Today we got a little lost and found our selves in a really old residential area. The roads were more like alleys and the people around there looked even more shocked that normal to see us. There was a stream running down the middle of the maze of houses and walls and there was a well that people were gathering water from with buckets and jugs on ropes. It was one of the most amazing and oldest places I've yet found in china.

Well thats the news so far from china, more surely will follow in due time, I hope all you my friends and family are having your own adventures in your own lives.

With four hours of sleep under my belt I set out for the airport at 7:00 Friday morning, still not letting my mind realize what I was actually doing. I do believe had I really allowed myself to understand what I was undertaking I would not have set my self on this path at the beginning of the year, self deception played a much larger roll in my actions than I believe courage has. But I didn't really start to grasp exactly what it all meant until I got to Vancouver. I got off the plane, went through customs and found my self in what apparently is the Asian section of the airport. Almost everyone there was speaking some language other than English, and I suddenly felt out of place. But for the moment I just found my gate and sat down till they called my plane to board.

I was dreading the 11 hour flight, and was disappointed that I didn't get a window seat because I was hoping to look down on Beijing as we landed. But the flight was ok. On the way they showed mission impossible 3, which I did not watch due to the lack of enthusiasm for craning my neck over the seat in front of me for 2 hours, but by the time they started showing “take the lead” the Antonio Banderos movie about ballroom dancing in public schools, boredom had won out and I plugged in my ear phones.

As we chased the sun across the pacific ocean I became more and more chronologically separated from my family and friends. And when we finally landed I was 15 hours different. As it turned out I missed nothing by not sitting next to the window. When we landed I could see enough out the window to tell that there was construction going on as far as I could see, which was no more than a mile in any direction because of some of the heaviest smog I've ever seen. At one point after getting to my next gate, I was looking out a window, and thinking I was seeing the moon covered in blood red, I was amazed, but soon found my self disgusted when I found I was looking directly at the sun, and that was all I could see of it through the smog, a faint red disc in the sky.

At this point the separation anxiety really started to kick in, though there was a lot of English writing all over the place, people now were looking at me funny, mostly they were nice, but I really felt strange being the only white person around, but more than that while for everyone there it was 6 pm, for me it was 3 am and “sunny”. When my gate was changed I almost didn't notice cause they only mentioned it in Chinese, luckily I heard some one in line for the gate next to mine say “Jinan” and I followed them. On the plane I immediately buckled my seat and closed my eyes, they were making one announcement after another and I was getting pretty annoyed that they weren't just leaving. I opened my eyes to see what was the hold up and everyone was standing and getting there bags. Next to me I saw a bottle of water and a bag of cookies, apparently I'd fallen asleep and missed the whole flight, though I still have no memory of dozing off or waking up, and looking back I can't imagine how I was comfortable in that seat.

At this point it was 5 am but 8 pm local time. I groggily grabbed my bag and walk off the plane I went to baggage claim and for the first time in all my flying experience there were people standing and waiting to make sure I had proof that my bag was actually mine and I wasn't just taking random luggage.

Leaving the airport at Jinan, I found a man holding a sign that read “Ian Turner” so ignored the young girl asking if I needed a cab and walked over to the man, I was way too tiered to be polite and curious, even if the girl did seem to speak English without an accent.

The first thing that hits you in Jinan is the smell, a mix of cigarette smoke smog and Chinese food. They second thing to hit you will probably be a car. I have never seen anything quite like the drivers in China. The laws seem to almost not exist, the lane lines, barely a blip on the driver's radar, the traffic lights seem more like suggestions rather than any sort of authority. If you don't like your side of the road your free to just hop across the double yellow line and chill till another car comes the other direction, and then you only need to move if your honking and flashing head lights don't persuade him to move first. If there is a crowd of people crossing the street theres no need to stop just slow down and lightly encourage them to move out of your way with a horn and possibly a gentle bump. My driver honked and flashed his lights at everything. Bicyclists, people, stray dogs, large trucks that we barely missed hitting, cop cars we were passing, some times I think he just honked cause he felt like he hadn't made enough noise in the last 30 seconds. It suddenly dawned on me why master Chen had been having so much trouble getting his license in the US.

When I finally got to the university and dealt with checking in to the dorms I was taken to my room. It really is the first place that is entirely mine, that I can decorate, and am completely responsible for. It is small, about the size of a mini trailer home, but it has room for a desk, a bed, a book shelf, a tv, and a bathroom. The bathroom contains a sink a toilet and a shower all in the same space. When I take a shower I have to take out the toilet paper, hang my towel outside, and close the toilet seat. Then when I turn on the water I have to make it quick, the first shower I've taken was sans hot water, though I'm told that at different times of the day it may warm up. The floor in the main room is just a cement floor, no carpeting. And the bed may as well be cement for how hard it is, on my list of things to buy a pillow features high.

Buying things in China is a thrifty mans paradise, today me and some new American friends I made went to lunch, where we had noodles and 2 drinks each for a total of about 5 bucks between the 3 of us. And I was told that that is actually a bit spendy. Later I bought a 20 oz soda for about 30 American cents off a street vendor. It really is quite amazing.

Finaly the bad news. Because for registration I need to have a medical examination, and for some reason I cannot find the original copy of the document that was filled out my by doctor, tomorrow I am going to the doctors, a Chinese doctors, I have to get in a taxi and get to the hospital with out speaking Chinese, then have a doctor who may or may not speak English give me a physical. I am not looking forward to it. But at least in the future I'll be more experienced if I ever need to go to the doctors for a serious reason.

So thats my adventure so far, I have two more days before I start classes, I think, so it's 2 more days of hanging out in china, I'm looking forward to it.